Monster
by Blackrock Soldier
Summary: Nano sees Lalna for what he really is. / Yogscast fic.


There was once a time when I was happy. Ignorant, but happy. The flux had taken over my body but it stayed dormant; allowing the stress it put on me to fade and I could let his love and acceptance in.

He was the one who let the Flux in, and I had been angry for a long time. Filled with rage. Unable to look in the mirror without screaming at my reflection; seeing the purple that reminded me I was no longer human.

There was a time where I raised my hand against him, and yet, no harm came. We were both at fault. If I wanted to hurt him, it would only be fair to hurt myself as well. So, in the end, we both lived. The sin never forgotten, but simply put to rest.

He was sorry. I was sorry. For what, I didn't really know. It just occurred to both of us that all we had was each other. There was no home for me otherwise, and he had been alone for the longest time. Monster or not, he would accept me no matter what, but the day he told me so, I never would have thought the same would apply to him. If I would accept him if he were the monster.

He had always be somewhat of a mystery, and any mention of the past would be quickly shoved off. I didn't understand and as far as knew, no one did. In that castle on the cliff, he held on to everything. Safe in his solitude, and yet, I found myself standing next to him... and next to her.

She was so scared. The bomb was going to go off, and my mind was still stuck in the how. The past. His past. The Flux had invaded his memory, and given it to me.

There were cameras. Eyes watching as she struggled. Her red hair the same color as the wires she needed to cut. I couldn't see her face, but her voice could be heard clearly as she continued to cry out. Zoey needed Rythian to save her, but he would never rescue her. He wasn't meant to.

In the distant past, the bomb goes off, but I still reached out to touch her shoulder. I don't belong in the scenario, and that's clear to me as my hand passes through and the wrong wire is cut.

There's so much fear and pain in a single instant. The tears run down my face, and the heart wrenching sound fades slowly. For a moment, I'm too shocked to move and I can't seem to grasp the situation or who I'm supposed to blame. Zoey had been put in an almost unthinkable position. Meant to disarm something she knew nothing about all alone. I couldnt imagine anyone so heartless, but I didn't need to imagine anyone. He was real.

The bomb hadn't gone off yet, but it existed. Even deeper in the past, Rythian was trapped inside a forcefield spitting angry words at the scientist floating just outside his reach. I stood below, and I could hear it all. There was no mercy in his voice as he threatened to detonate the nuke. His eyes cold. His voice sharp. A complete opposite of the Lalna of the present. He was a monster.

"Take it back." I could hear my own voice quivering. "You're going to cause more pain than you'll ever be able to repent for. Don't make them suffer. Don't make her suffer. You're better than this, Lalna! LALNA!"

I wanted him to hear me, but everything had long been set into stone. Nothing would change. No one would be saved. My words would fall to dust. Waking as the Flux finally retreated,I sat up drenched in sweat and breathing heavily. Though I had wondered, there was no way I would have ever been prepared to know the truth. It was all way too much but when the panic subsided enough, I confronted him even though I was very upset.

"You made her cry! You made them suffer! You made HER suffer! How could you do that?!"

There was fear and confusion in his eyes as his back pressed against the wall. I had cornered him, but he didn't understand why. He didn't understand what I was so distressed about. "I don't know who you're talking about, Nano! Please calm down!"

"The Flux showed me what you are! It looked inside your head and showed me what you did! You planted a nuke underneath Rythian and Zoeys feet and set it off! You tried to kill them!"

Though filled with fear and confusion before, his eyes changed to show that he was shocked. No one was supposed to remember. No one was supposed to know. "Y- you saw that? I- I-"

"I saw everything! Everything you've hidden from me! How could you?! You say I'm the monster, but you-"

"It was a different time! A different place! I was a different person then!" He screamed out, trembling uncontrollably. "I- I was scared and all alone! He wanted to hurt me and it wasn't even my fault! If you would have been there, you-"

"If I would have been there, I would have stopped you!" I screamed back, tears welling up in my eyes. "I would have slapped some sense into you! Zoey didn't deserve what you did to her! They didn't deserve it! No one would ever deserve something like that!"

"I know! I know that, okay?! I was wrong, and I know if you would have been there that you could have stopped me, but you weren't there, okay?! No one was! Not for me!" Tears began to well up and slip down his cheeks as the trembling continued. "I'm sure you could see it... how empty I was alone. Just afraid of everybody. Before you came along, I did a lot of things I'm not proud of, and even now I'm still making mistakes. I've been trying, Nano. Trying my best to repent. Trying my best to somehow make things alright between us. With you here, I've changed, but I still hurt you too. I'm really screwed up. I have been for a long time. You deserved to know what I'm capable of, and if you want to leave then you should. I deserve to be alone where I can't hurt anyone else. Where I can't hurt you..."

His dejected figure slumped down against the wall as I stood there completely blindsided. With tears flowing non stop down my face, I couldn't figure out who was at fault anymore. Everyone was afraid. The victim, and even the culprit. He could never justify anything but he never did. He just kept it hidden, and I... I brought it back. It was so long ago. In the end, when I thought about it clearly, it didn't really matter anymore. The damage had been done. The wound had almost healed, but I... rubbed salt in it. "Lalna, I... I'm sorry. I didn't know that you felt this way."

He shook his head weakly, "No... I needed to be yelled at. I needed some kind of punishment. Those two ended up surviving, and yet, they never came back to hurt me. The relief I felt was overshadowed by the guilt. They deserve to take their piece of me."

"I... I don't know about Rythian but she would never take revenge..." Slowly, I managed to get down on my knees beside him, "Zoey would never hurt you no matter what, and when I think about that, I realize I could never hurt you either. I was so angry at you when the Flux came, but I forgave you."

His eyes widened as I laid my palm on his face. "You're not perfect, Lalna, but I'm willing to stay by your side. It will take time to stomach everything you've done. To forget the look you had so long ago, but everyone is still alive. I'm still alive. This Flux makes me a monster. Your past makes you a monster. Let's be monsters together, yeah?"


End file.
